Saying Goodbye

June was a whirlwind of a month. It was spent wrapping up our life in California and preparing for our transition. It was busy, stressful, bittersweet, and filled with heartfelt moments of saying goodbye to the community that we built while living in Santa Cruz.

BC spent the first part of the month in Panama dealing with the logistics of taking over our property there. He also welcomed our dear friends who will be staying in our place during their sabbatical. So far they seem to be enjoying it so I hope that is a good omen for us.

In BC’s absence, my mom came to help me clear out the house and pack. She was a life saver and kept me on track. We also made some time for fun with the kids like a visit to Happy Hallow.

The kids definitely sensed my stress. Even though they couldn’t verbalize their anxiety about the move and all of our stuff be sold piece by piece, their actions showed it. AC’s separation anxiety hit critical level. I couldn’t even strap them in their car seat and then run into the house for something I forgot without him having a full meltdown. When we first talked to AC about the move, he quickly processed everything it would mean and asked tons of questions about going to a new school, making new friends, people only speaking Spanish, etc. That night as he was climbing into his bed he said, “I’m excited about getting a new house, but I’m scared about making new friends.” That was a great summary of all the mixed feelings we’re all having about this big leap. You’d never know their stress though when you look at these pics.

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We tried to make our last day in Santa Cruz special for the boys. Their school celebrated them both by having circle time in their honor. It was adorable and also heart wrenching to see them leave this little cocoon where they have been so loved and nurtured.

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We picked the boys up early and took them to their favorite place, the Boardwalk. We celebrated with our last dinner on the beach where AC could order his special flamingo mocktail like Santa Cruz tourists.

The next day, my mom and I boarded a plane with the kids. BC stayed behind to wrap up the final logistics with the house. We are spending time in Buffalo with our family and enjoying the summer before we jump into our new adventure. I know this time will go fast, but part of me wants it to last forever. The excitement of our endeavor is being overwhelmed by my current anxiety of the unknown. I know the transition will be challenging, but eventually we will settle and Panama will feel like home.


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